Heart gone missing

Since when did life become so difficult? And when did getting by become so tiresome? In just wanting to get by, I've drained myself dry. And now, I've nothing more left in me to use to fight back.



With nothing in between?



Status: Empty Handed - Heart Gone Missing.

I guess what was missing, is what I had all along.

H.O.P.E

In times like these, I'm thankful for family. Just the 3 of them, making the 4 of us. Now that Nicky has commissioned, he gets to come home more often (for this week at least). Although it's not for me to say, but it's true that the army robs them of time. But I say that the time spent outside camp is what makes all the difference. Because I see 3, not just 2 - They're all loved, all the same! Dad, Mom and Nicky help me to smile when I can't. They know I'm struggling though they see a noisy, whiny and happy, me. And I'm not afraid to hide or shun because with them, what's there to hide? Because of them, I found hope, I saw hope and I felt hope. And it is also in this phase of my life that I truly see God in this family.



So here's an awfully big thank You, to You, God :) I choose to smile cause I haven't been doing that enough of late.

And Nicky, I'm so proud of you. I think we all are! I salute you, my dear Officer Brother :)



And to those who passed out of BMT, well done Men :)

I was reading the papers one morning when I came across an article about Elvin Ng. He was asked 8 questions and I particularly liked one of his answers.

Q. Complete this sentence: If I could live my life again, I would...
A: ..not have it any other way. I would make the same mistakes and learn from them the same way. That's the novelty of experience.

It helped me see through my anxiety. But reasons, really aren't enough. Or perhaps, they aren't valid. Are reasons enough to speak for actions? Is being tired or frustrated or complex, good enough a reason for actions to turn out all wrong? I feel like hitting myself, with a brick. And hope to wake knowing I was once, right.

It's time to substitute wrongs with rights. I've been stuck in the wrong motion for too long, hence being unable to step out and away. Now, how would be a good question. Then again, I already know that there's only one solution, and I'm sticking with it. Even if I fail to sense, or hear, or feel, I will try and try, and try. I would've failed all the same if I failed to try. Though it feels like I'm fighting my own battle on my own, I will learn to claim the victory that is already mine. Thank You God, for the rekindling of positivity and determination - After all this time.